and a thin man said "i dont wanna hear your voice.."

Title Track for my CD is "Stop Whispering" by Radiohead.

Taken off the sometimes forgotten about (depending on what kind of Radiohead fan you are) Pablo Honey album, this song has been with me for a VERY long time. I'd say i started listening to Radiohead in the 9th or 10th grade, starting with this album. Creep was on the radio, and i loved it, so i went and got the whole album, and promptly started listening to it on repeat for a solid 6 months or something ridiculous..

So i think the way this is going to go, is that i'll post lyrics, relate the song to my life, explain stuff.. etc. i dont really know what i'm doing but here goes nothing.

OH-- before i do that, i just have to preface that lyrics are a HUGE part of my decision making, if not all. I analyze lyrics like they are great works of poetic genius (sometimes they are, sometimes they arent, but if i can connect then i'm in love with them..) So most of the time, a song is on a Mix CD bc i feel like the lyrics have an appropriate correlation to my life.

This is so weird finally talking about this process.

Anyway, here are the lyrics (as i said before, an extremely large reason why i love the song)

And the wise man say I don't want to hear your voice
And the thin man say I don't want to hear your voice
And they're cursing me, and they won't let me be
And there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to do

Stop whispering, start shouting
Stop whispering, start shouting

And the mother say we spit on your son some more
And the buildings say we spit on your face some more
And the feeling is that there's something wrong
Because I can't find the words and I can't find the songs

Stop whispering, start shouting
Stop whispering, start shouting

Dear Sir, I have a complaint
Can't remember what it is

It doesn't matter anyway
It doesn't matter anyway



Okay. So in my past, i've had a hard time sticking up for myself. In HS i was easily influenced, somewhat walked upon by friends and adults, teachers, everyone. I couldn't even get myself to call the take out delivery people. I couldn't handle people, i couldn't persue what i wanted, let alone be agressive about going out there and getting it.

It was stupid stuff, like saying to someone that i didnt WANT to hang out, or do the particular thing they were doing for fear of being totally rejected and never called to hang out again. Or if someone at my job was treating me like a fucking slave laborer, and not a person, i couldn't stand up and tell them to back off. Even something as dumb as never ever sending anything back at a restaurant bc i didnt want THEM to be mad at ME, the paying customer.

Sometimes it wasnt stupid stuff, like not knowing when to let go of someone who wasn't treating me or my friends right, and had been more or less controlling my thoughts and actions for years and years. Another not stupid thing i can think of is being in a dumb dumb dumb relationship for a really long time not knowing that relationships were supposed to be the opposite of what i was in.

Most recently, as i've made my way (slowly) through school, i spent a lot of time convincing myself that i "wasnt like these other vocalists." I wasnt into opera, i didnt know anything, i didn't sound like this that and the other... I just wasnt like them. I convinced myself that because i was "second rate" i had to immerse myself in other things, like getting REALLY into the brass program and choir and stuff like that..

But then, i had my recital and it was eye opening!! People loved my recital. My parents cried, i was amazed at what came out of my mouth, i was surrounded by friends who supported me and told me how great i was. From then on i started seeing things within myself that made me feel like i was just as good as anyone. Being in College Choir helped me a lot with this, when Dr Gray gave me my first real big responsibility in the school with the Bach alto solo cover for the Christmas Oratorio. That really made me feel great, thus further heightened my musical self esteem.

The final straw, for lack of a better term, for me was just this past semester when i auditioned for the opera. Never in my life could i see myself auditioning for a big role, letting alone getting it. However, CRAZY things happened, and all of a sudden i was in the running for the lead. The LEAD!? Me, the person who once knew nothing about opera, or even really cared to get to know it. People trust me with auditioning for the lead role?

Well thats pretty sweet. This has totally raised my confidence in myself, and i'm ready to get out there and compete with the best of them.

So i guess, in summation, the phrase "Stop Whispering, Start Shouting" Has the most direct effect on my life. It's something i've been needing to do, and now i'm finally ready to.

Stop whispering, start Shouting...


<3 phew! that was a long one. Probably will be the longest since this is the song currently changing my life.

bye!