I remember when i was 15 the biggest tragedy to happen in my life was when one of our best friends decided to start sitting at a different lunch table in the cafeteria in High School.
Ten years later i want to smack my juvenile self in the face.. who gives a shit where she wants to sit, if she wants to make new friends who the hell cares. We still probably could've all been friends, but we were stupid.
I'm not going to talk about Lisa, or my Uncle Rob, because that would mean i'd need to talk about things i normally dont. Not really my style, bringing up surpressed feelings/regrets/emotions.
So i'm not going to talk about how even though I know she's under the best of care, and everything is going to be fine, Lisa's second heart surgery shakes me to the core with fear. Nor will I discuss how much I regret letting family slip away, and now suffer from overwhelming feelings of "too little too late" or "you dont know what you have till its gone".
also, I have a sinus infection. the small physical pain I feel is stirring up unwanted thoughts/emotions.
I'm trying to be strong enough for everyone, but i dont think i'm doing it right.
enough self-wallowing and "wah wah wah" for now.
Jen,
ReplyDeleteIt is ok to feel these things, they make us human. You have much more will power than most, and it takes a perceptive person to really understand what they have or once had. Can you believe familial relations that are hard to bear are swept under some figurative 'emotional rug' for some people? I think if anything you will gain wisdom from these experiences and pass along your knowledge to whomever crosses your path.
I love you
get well soon
Jordan